I wasn’t actually planning on giving him back of course, but my first thought, on my first day home from the hospital was “I guess I can’t really get out of this now.”
Immediately I felt guilty because my son had been earthside for less than a day and as soon as I got him home all I could think was “oh sh*t”. It was the first of many guilt ridden mom moments. Somehow I had just realised that I was responsible for this little persons’ life. How he views the world, how he treats people, how he is raised is all up to me (and his Dad, of course). A massive responsibility that is impossible to understand until you have that tiny little nine pound baby in your arms. Nine pounds is actually very large for a baby, but I digress. The point is that once you go down the road of motherhood, it’s kind of a one way street.
“Enjoy them while they’re little, because before you know it they’ll be gone”. The dreaded advice that every mother has heard from a well-meaning lady in the grocery store while their child is screaming in a fit of rage because they aren't allowed get a chocolate bar from the checkout line.
This advice is difficult for Moms to hear because we are going a million miles a minute, trying to make sure everyone is cared for, and we want to enjoy our kids, but sometimes it feels impossible. It is not enjoyable to have to limit screen time, and force vegetables down their throat, or wrestle them into pyjamas. Even the nice moments, a hug before bed, a movie night, the walk to school, are easy to overlook because we are so busy trying to keep our heads above water that these little moments seem to fly right by, practically unnoticed.
So bear with me as I defend the well-meaning lady in the grocery store. She probably has grown up kids. She probably wishes she could go back in time and visit herself as a young mom, and tell herself to enjoy them more. She probably wants to tell the young version of her not to sweat the small stuff and to embrace their littleness because as much as she knows it's exhausting and difficult, it also really does go by so fast. That well-meaning lady in the grocery store is trying to help you see more clearly through the fog of motherhood. (Whether or not it’s appreciated). She knows something that we “young mothers” don’t quite understand yet. She knows that, just like becoming a mother, moving out of active motherhood is also a one way street. Once your kids are grown and gone, it's pretty permanent. They don’t need you the same way they once did. They can buy their own chocolate bars at the checkout counter.
The grocery store lady can’t go back in time, so she is imparting her knowledge to you, and in your heart of hearts, you know she’s probably right. Even if you do feel like handing her your screaming toddler and saying “you try enjoying this”. However hard motherhood may be right now, you know you’ll miss it when it’s over. You know that you’ll miss those little chocolate stained faces, and the chaos of the after school sports. You know that you’ll miss the smell of a fresh baked baby, and the sweet snuggles of a middle of the night feed. There’s even a chance that you will become the grocery store lady, trying your best to encourage young mothers to make space for the little things and to appreciate the sweet moments that motherhood brings because “the days are long, but the years are short” (I bet you guys have never heard that one before).
So the next time you wrap your kids in a big towel after a bath, or they want to hold your hand on the way to school, think of the grocery store lady. Think about what she would give to re-live these moments, and wrap them in their towel for a little longer, or squeeze their hand a little tighter. Mark this moment in your mind as one to remember, and then carry on with your busy life. You won’t ever get those moments back, but you will have the peace of mind that you did all you could to embrace the sweetness that motherhood brings while it was in front of you.
Alex
